


Complicated

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-02-11
Updated: 2003-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-01 11:43:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some musings by Clark about his budding feelings for Lex.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Complicated

## Complicated

by Jehane

[]()

* * *

Complicated 

Why does everything about Lex have to be so complicated? 

The other day he said that once somebody lies to him, that's it. No second chances. I went cold inside when he said that. Because I should have told him from the beginning. But what would I say? "Yes, I was able rip the top of your car off to save you because I'm an alien"? Sure. And what if- _what if_ -he actually believed me? I hate to even ask myself this, but do I trust him that much? It's not like Pete, who's been my best friend since we were little kids. And even Pete freaked out when I told him. Not that I blame him, and I'm not really surprised at his reaction. It's what I expected, even though it hurt. He did some stupid things that could have gotten us both killed, but he did the right thing when it counted, and we're even better friends now than we were before he knew my secret. 

I don't know what Lex would do if he knew. My Dad is convinced that Lex would tell the world. Or at least blackmail us. Why the richest man in Kansas would blackmail a poor farm family doesn't make sense, but Dad doesn't always see straight when it comes to the Luthors. And as for telling the world, I just don't see Lex doing that. Dad says I'm being naive. Maybe I am, I don't know. I just know that I should have already told Lex, because by now I've been lying to him for a year. He'd be so hurt that I didn't trust him enough to tell him. Just like Pete was. The difference is that Pete was raised by a loving family. He can forgive someone he cares about, even for keeping a secret as big as mine. Lex, who has been betrayed by people he loves a few too many times, would be devastated by my lack of trust in him. 

He'd never forgive me. 

There are other things about Lex that are complicated, too. Like the way he looks at me. Sometimes I swear he's going to lean in and kiss me. Maybe I'd be able to deal with that little complication better if I didn't like it so much when he looks at me like that. I find myself looking at his mouth and wanting him to lean in and kiss me, and that can lead to some serious complications when you live in a place like Smallville, Kansas. I've never felt like this about another guy before. Just Lex. I have to keep reminding myself that it's Lana that I'm in love with. Lana, who is beautiful and sweet and uncomplicated. I tell myself she's the one I want to kiss, the one I want to touch. 

Except that I know I'm lying to myself. I know it's not Lana I want anymore. It's Lex, and that makes everything very complicated. 


End file.
